Hetalia Crack
by Budgies R Cute
Summary: If you didn't read the title, this is crack. Read at YOUR OWN risk. Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. All Hetalian characters belong to Hidekazu Himaruya. I own myself, and you own yourself.
1. Chapter 1

Sealand: What time is it?

Amerimochi: ITS MUFFIN TIME!

England: Actually, it's-

China: ARU! *Hits everyone with his wok*

Me: …Why?!

Hong Kong: I don know *flies away on rainbow*

Norway: *Pushes play button*

TROLOLOLOLOLOL, OHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOO~

France: OHONHONHONHONHONHON *Gets hit in head by Hungary's frying pan*

Hungary: AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! *Falls off ship*

Me: …Since when were we on a ship?

Norway: WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!

Iceland, Me, and England: *Facepalms*

Denmark: RINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING, GERINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING-

Romano: DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW, GET THE F*** OUT OF MY WAY, GOD D*** YOU ARE SLOW, HOW MUCH DO YOU WAY, OH! JINGLE BELLS-

Me: *Muffles Romano with a tomato* When was it karaoke time?!

Finland: *Silently crying in a corner*

Me: See what you did Romano?! You made Finland cry! *Hugs Finland*

Curtain closes: DA END! *yay*

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><p>0.0 What did I just write? Oh yeah, Hetalia crack. -_- Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Icey, will you do the honors? Iceland: Okay... Budgies R Cute does not own Hetalia or asdf movies. Or the trolololol song. Or Ylvis's The Fox. Or Romano's Jingle Bells song. Or Ain't Nobody got time for that clip. Or rainbows. Or a ship. Me: Thanks *Hands Icey a bag of licorice as a prize* See you next time! Everyone: (Waves) Bye!<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	2. Chapter 2

Me: *Sitting at computer watching people play Five Nights at Freddy's*

America: Cool dude! Can I play that?

Me: I don have the game…

Japan: *Holds up laptop* America-san, I have it on here.

Laptop: *Explodes*

Prussia: Kesesesesesese that explosion was so awesome.

Denmark: ICEYYY~

Iceland: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Me: *Suddenly jumps on table, drags Iceland onto it while singing* LET IT GO, LET IT GO~ CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE, LET IT GO, LET IT GOOO~ CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOOORE!

Norway: LET IT GO, LET IT GOOO~ TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!

Poland: Like, you didn't include me in karaoke? Rude!

Hong Kong: Are you gay?

Poland: ITS NOT CALLED BEING GAY ITS CALLED BEING FABULOUS!

2p Romano: Who said fabulous? (whips out measuring tape) I will make you even more fabulous!

Me: OMG IT'S THE 2PS EVERYONE RUNNNNNN!

Everyone: *runs, including 2ps* Wait what?!

2ps: *starts chasing the 1ps*

Me: WHY IN THE NAME OF MUFFINS DOES THIS HAPPEN?!

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><p>Fun fact: Frozen was set in Norway (Or something). Fun fact #2: Iceland is not Icey (I call him that), it's green. Fun fact #-Iceland: Fun fact #3: Budgies R Cute does not own the quote "It's not called being gay, it's called being fabulous". The other things our author does not own are: Frozen, Five Nights at Freddy's, explosions, karaoke, 2ps (happily), and muffins. Me: Thanks...? Anyways, I hope you find this funny. And see you next time *salutes*<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	3. Special: Micronation time!

Kugelmugel: Uhm…Budgie?

Me: Yeah?

Kugelmugel: In the last chapter…why did you mention-

Sealand: SOMEONE, ANYONE! I AM A COUNTRY!

Wy: OMG (Starts taking pictures) A NEW COUNTRY! MUST TAKE PICTURES!

Ladonia: (le gasp) AM I RELATED TO SWEDEN?! (amateur death glare)

Hong Kong: I know I am not a micronation, but I must say one thing

Everyone: What?

Hong Kong: DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI- (splat)

Liechtenstein: Um… What happened?

Me: (holding a bunch of tomatoes) I am… PRACTICING MY TOMATO AIM FOR A CONTEST WITH 2P ROMANO-OH CR*P! I SAID IT!

2p Italy: What did you-a say? (twirls knife casually)

Kugelmugel: 0.o Budgie said 2p Romano, not 2p Italy…

2p Italy: He's sick, so I came instead.

Me: ...

Micronations: …..

2p Italy: …..

2p China: Something I missed, aru?

2p England: Anybody wants cupcakes?

Me: …..EVERYONE RUN TO MY YACHT!

Hong Kong: (running with everyone else) YOU DON'T OWN A YACHT!

(Random yacht appears)

Kugelmugel: JUST RUUUUUUUUN!

Me: RUN! #LIKEABOSS!

Wy: WHY DID ANYONE CREATE THESE 2PS-oh god. (Rest of 2ps appear)

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><p>Hello again! If you don't like these notes, I'll get to the point-mmph! Hong Kong: Budgie does not own Skydoesminecraft's joke 'Everyone run to my yacht!' That comes from Skydoesminecraft's Cops and Robbers series: Klub Ice (the first one, no mod) China: Ah, Hong Kong. Did you really have to interrupt Budgie, aru? Anyways, thank you for all the reads. It makes Budgie so happy, aru!<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	4. Chapter 4

Japan: (Writing manga, me beside him giving ideas)

Me: What else happens in the story?

Japan: Um…pfudor…

Me: Isn't that a video on youtube?

Japan: (goofy smile on face)

Me: 0.o

Italy: (skips in) Ciao Japan! Ciao Budgie!

Me: Germany-WAT.

Germany: (in pink tutu spinning around)

Me: Please tell me I'm dreaming…maybe Romano could help me.

Romano: (walks in) Hey-WHAAA-WHAT THE CRAPOLA HAPPENED HERE?!

(Random unicorns and kitties fly across the room)

China: What?!

Me: FINALLY A SANE-

China: NO HELLO KITTY ARU? (drops to his knees) WHY? WHYYYYY?!

Poland: (walks into room with 2p Romano)

Me: -_- You have brought the end of the world as we know it Poland. For the first-

Iceland: TIME IN FOREVERRR~ (Norway-Don't let them in, don't let them see)

Finland: I'm getting what I'm dreaming of~ (Sweden-Be the good country you always have to be)

Denmark: A CHANCE TO CHANGE MY LONELY-MMPH!

Canada: SILENCE! I KILL U!

Me: WHY DOES THIS HAPPENNNN

?: It is ur destiny…

Everyone: Wha~?

?: Just kidding. TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, OHOHOHOHOHOOOOO~

France and 2p France: OHONHONHONHONHONHONHONHONHONHONHON-WHAM! WHACK!

Hungary and Vietnam: (appears behind Frances, frying pan and oar in hands) But seriously, who is the mystery person?

?: It's me…

Me: (Facepalms) Not another Five nights at Freddy's reference…

Iceland: At least it's not the 2ps.

Me: You have done it. Run. Now.

Everyone: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (no 2ps appear :P)

(Sign appears: 2ps on vacation)

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><p>Why do I write this? I think I'm just going crazy... Norway: Not more crazy than you usually are. Me: Anyhoo, leave a comment, follow, and favorite. Pwease? *Chibi puppy eyes (If that makes sense)* Bye!<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	5. Another special: Asian countries!

**Setting**: Field of random flowers, sakura trees everywhere.

Hong Kong: *Silently staring off into space before being tackled by a unicorn*

Everyone except for S. Korea: 0.o

Me: *Hobbles up with a cane* The apocalypse is spreading…

Taiwan: What apocalypse?!

Me: The attack…of the unicorns.

(gasp) DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

S. Korea: Isn't that a Robot Unicorn Attack reference, daze?~

Me: Maybe…NOT! IM PART OF THE APOCALYPSE RAWR! *Flies away on a marshmallow*

Vietnam: …...*Jumps on phoenix and shoots up into the sky*  
>China: Ugh…ENGLAND! WHAT DID U DO AGAIN, ARU?!<p>

Norway: NUMA NUMA YAY, NUMA NUMA NUMA YAYYYYY~

Japan: Where did Norway-sama come from? Oh well. *Grabs sakura blossom and flies off into space with it*

S. Korea: Oh, he escaped from the insane asylum for countries~ ^_^

Iceland: SAY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Finland: Iceland. You forgot to take your pills this morning…*Holds up Thor's hammer*

Me: Who needs pills when you got UNICORNS! WHEEEEE *Grabs Icey and Finny, flying with the power of puffin*

China: (Sighs) Everyone is so immature, all wise ones know that you don't fly on a unicorn. YOU FLY ON A PAAAAANNNNNDAAAAAA!

Everyone: PANDAS CAN'T FLY!

China: THIS ONE CANZ! *Flies off on Flying Mint Bunny*

England: HEY THAT'S MY RIDE, WANKER!

Everyone: LETS FOLLOW BUDGIE AND FLY OFF TO SPACE *Grabs random things and shoot into the air* OH WAIT. WE CANT FLY AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

~Twenty minutes later…

Everyone: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH *On ground*

Russia: *Flying out of sky* VODKAAAAAAAAAA

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><p>Hello! Budgie here! *chirp* Here's another chapter for you beedees! Yup, I'm calling you beedees ^_^ (pls don't hate me...) Anyways, disclaimer time! I do not own the following: a unicorn, Robot Unicorn Attack, an apocalypse, a phoenix, Numa Numa, a sakura blossom, an asylum, Thor's hammer, puffins, pandas, Flying Mint Bunny, and vodka. I do own some marshmallows though :P Bye! (I didn't get interrupted this time!)<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	6. 2p Time!

2p Japan: Was it a good idea to put that sign there about two chapters ago?

Me: Now you has broken the fourth wall…lolz

2p China: Also, why are you here? We're the 2ps.

Me: Ever heard of crack? Yup, we're in it. That's why all these chapters are crazy.

2p England: While you're here, care for some cup-

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(runs away screaming) Iggy's cupcakes are not _cup_cakes, they're _poison_cakes T^T

2p America: Are we even scarier than Five Nights At Freddy's? 0^0

Me: No. I mean you're _really_ scary because (gulp) you guys are right next to me. But the jump scares are crazy scary! 0~0 Go play it yourself!

2p Canada: Nah. Too boring.

Me: 5 Nights At Wario's?

2p America: Nope.

Me: At Thomas's?

2p China: *Yawns*

Me: *Sweatdrops* How about at-

2p England: We won't play any. Now eat a cupcake, poppet~

Me: O.O RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

2p Italy: Why run, bella? We have-static-PAAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAA

~One day later…

2p Italy turned into Italy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2p Germany: WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURST

2p Japan: SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

2p America: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR

2p China: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMPLINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSS

2p Iceland: LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Other 2ps: O.o When did you get in here?

2p Iceland: Oh, Budgie just let me in…along with Norway's dragon.

Norway's dragon: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRRRR

Everyone: (Runs away screaming)

Norway's dragon: lol hi im norge's dragon rawr.

Me: So…now that you've scared away the 2ps, let's go get some smoked salmon sushi!

Norway's dragon: yay! i likes sushi. lol byes peeps ^_^ muah!

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><p>Hello! Budgie here! Thank you so much for all the reads! Me no own cupcakes, Five Nights at Freddy's, the copies, pasta, wurst, sushi, burger, dumplings, licorice, and dragons. As the Beedee army (That's you), we need more beedees! So...find other Anime lovers, bring them here, and request other Animes. I'm all ears ^_^ Thank you beedees so much for the support, and see you guys...next time! Byeee!~<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	7. Chapter 7

Norway: Budgie…I need my dragon back.

Me: Don't you have a troll?

Norway: He's lonely without my dragon.

Troll: I wants dragon.

Norway's dragon: i likes sushi lol rawr

Troll: Yay! Let's go dragon weeeeeeeeeeeee (flies off with dragon)

Me: …Nor?

Norway: Yes Budgie?

Me: Hug? (opens arms wide)

Norway: …(Shoves Iceland in front, me hugging him)

Iceland: ERMAHGURD IM HUGGING A BURD…KETCHUP!

Me: YOSH U AREZ HUGGING A BIRD, 4 BUDGIES R BEEDEES(Birds)

Iceland: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Norway: canz I join dis too?

Me: OF COURSE NOOOOOOOOORRR COME JOINZ US IN NARNIA!

Iceland, Norway, and Me: TOOOOOOO NAAAAAAAARRRNNNNIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA

England: I will supply a UNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIICOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNNNNNNNNN

Me: Y ISH EVERYYYYOOOONNNE IIIIIIINNNNNN SLOOOOOOOWWW-MOOOOOOOO

Norway: IIIIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOOOONNNN KKKKKNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW

China: PPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Me: wat.

China: I don know.

Me: (shrugs) PPPPPPAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Everyone:POAWEIRUMV30736TBMAEURIOBIDFSLKJ21OIEFVUMIAEWUVFM8459

2ps: YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-lol hi :P we're back!

Me: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOORRRRR! GET YO DRAGON OVAH HERE!

Norway: i don know where he ish.

Me: …we're dead.

XP

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><p>Cheepecheepecheepe! Hi! Budgie here! Thank you for all the support we're getting! I'm sorry, but I'll be taking a little break to get moar ideas in my noggin! Really sorry. My brain needs to refill with all the wonderful ideas I can get. But I'll see you as soon as possible! Everyone: Bye!<p>

~Budgies R Cute


	8. ISH ALLIES TIME

America: …..

Me: O.o

China: Something is definitely wrong with America, aru~

America: OOOOOOOOCCCCCTOOOOOOODDDDDDAAAAAAAAADDDDDD

France: What is this about 'Octodad'?

Me: …An extremely frustrating game -_-

Denmark: YO!

Me: *Shoves Denmark out along with the rest of the Nordics* THIS IS ALLIES TIME…

URS COMES LAYYYYTUUUR! so get out.

Norway: …..but you let me and my dragon and my troll in the last two chapters. and yes, i haz broken zhe fourth wall.

Me: Just get out -_- yeah, you're my fav. group besides the Asians, but you'll come later. BYE!

England: those wankers…I-I mean they were interrupting our time-

'Murica: ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

South Korea: PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES ORIGINATED IN SOUTH KOREA, DAZE!

Me: *eye twitches, then facepalms* I had this all worked out, and this happens?!

Russia: I shall chase them out, da? And Budgie will then become one with Mother Russia…

Me: 0.o I'm gone…off to go find the Deathly Hallows!

England: THAT'S NO FAIR! LET ME COME ALONG!

Romania: OOH OOH! AND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Norway: and me too.

Me: …*runs off to find Fruits Basket and get help*

China: I think Budgie ran off to a different anime, aru…

Russia: Da…shall I get her?

Me: NO IM BACK NOW! AND I BROUGHT THE DEATHLY HALLOWS WITH MEH-oh wait. These are just plastic. Nvm

England: *sighs* let's go…Flying Mint Bunny.

Me: I have a friend too. *claps hands* Cherry the cherry that's a magical cherry!

Cherry: Hi! I have a really long name. Call me Cherry!

America: HAHA, I'm hallucinating!

China: Then why can I see a floating pink cherry, aru?

Russia: Da…me too.

Me: Well that proves magic is real. Right Iggy?

England: DON'T CALL ME IGGY, GIT!

Cherry: *starts sobbing* You called my friend a…a git…

Me: *tears up* I can't stand seeing such a cutie cry! *walks away with Cherry*

_~Fin~_

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><p>I am OVER my writer's block! ^_^ Sorry for the wait! I felt so bad, but I just ran out of ideas! Well now I has a lots of ideas! I have the best grammar in the world -_-...anyways! I look forward to writing more for you to read! Bye!<p>

~Budgies R Cute


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